Vaginal Realm

This is a game in the NES called Konami Wai Wai World, an all-star game pretty much like the NBA during the Olympics. And what is the story behind this strange game? It seems that Konami World has fallen into grave danger. A mysterious alien being has infiltrated Konami World, and allied itself with the evil forces that already existed there. As a result, six of Konami's heroes have been defeated and imprisoned by their foes. Konami World's only remaining hope lies with its resident super hero: Konami Man! Aided by his lovely sidekick Konami Girl, Konami Man must travel to various areas of Konami World and rescue the imprisoned heroes. Then, once all of the heroes are reunited, the alien force must be eradicated! The Konami characters in this game are:

• Konami Man - the protector of all that is Konami! I don't think Konami Man had a game of his own. From what I read he only made cameo apperances in certain Konami games. He's the guy in the blue suit.
• Konami Girl - she's simply the female counterpart of Konami Man, and does not have a game of her own also. She's pretty cute for an 8-bit elven/alien chick. Yep, she's that tart sitting in Kong's left arm.
• Goemon - his english game released internationally is named Mystical Ninja, or something like that. His attack makes the coolest-sounding effect in the game. And I'm not sure what his projectile weapon is but is sure looks like tomatoes to me. He is that puffy-haired pothead that looks like someone from a japanese variety show in the 80's.
• Simon - the most popular Konami character as far as I am concerned. Star of the Castlevania franchise, he has the coolest soundtrack in the game and the most powerful projectile weapon -- the crucifix boomerang. He is at the leftmost holding a brown whip that actually looks like a monkey's tail that sprung out of his ass. He has the most amusing teleport animation in the game.
• Fuuma - the character of the Getsufuu Maden ("Maden") game, which by the way my brother played to oblivion, is at the most fucking difficult stage of the game, appropriately called "Hell". I was only able to use him at the Eastern Island Stage as his attack was short-ranged and actually looks like he's playing with a jumping rope. His three-shuriken attack was useful in breaking bricks. He's that headband-donning guy brandishing his probably too-limp sword.
• Mikey - star of the Goonies movie and eventually turned into two games by Konami. His slingshot makes the cutest "piw" sound. His most significant use in the game is he can fit through low passages that all the other characters cannot. He's the red-haired boy in red overalls behind Konami Man.
• Moai Head - if that character looks familiar to you, he's actually one of the enemies in the Gradius game. The character design is so frickin' hilarious. He has legs like a frog, and his attack! He attacks by headbutting his enemies, which is rather difficult since he is quite tall and thus cannot hit small characters. His ring projectiles can be quite powerful though, which is his only redeeming quality in the game.
• King Kong - hero of Konami's rendition of the King Kong movie. He is the most powerful and fast-moving character in the game, thus the most useful. He can jump through areas where the other characters cannot as he is the tallest character in the game. His projectile is throwing bananas, which is also the most powerful projectile attack in the game, albeit short-ranged and curved downwards. In case you have no idea, he's that big ape carrying Konami Girl in his left arm.
• Dr. Cinnamon - he is the creator of Konami Man and Konami Girl, and also the Twin Bee and Gradius Ships which you will use at the second to the last stage of the game. He can recharge the energy bars of the team, and also provides background info on each of the characters.
• Dr. Spice (not in picture) - brother of Dr. Cinnamon, his only role in the game is to revive dead allies for the low low price of 100 bullets! Pretty cheap, huh? He is differentiated from Dr. Cinnamon by wearing a black cape with red collar and white shirt, which kinda makes him look like Dracula with spectacles.
• Pentaro - star of the ever-so-lame-but-cute-nontheless Antarctic Adventure, he operates the teleport machine that will take the characters to the 6 worlds of the game.

I loved this game when I first got a copy of it eons ago, and I still love it now. By the way, wai wai is a Japanese onomatopeia that means noisy. Now I'm off to Macross. ^_^

Labels: random ramblings