The Simpsons Movie 07/27/2007


Upon arrival at the almost abandoned hospital - imagine, lights out, very few people, things you'd expect from any metro building for a long holiday - and asked the guard for the maternity ward. Third level, he said. There we went, and the nurses told us to go to the OTHER maternity ward, which was on the other wing of the building. To make things worse, the area connecting the old and new wings is UNDER RENNOVATION and we had to go all the way around at the second level to get there. "Bale, baba po kayo ng hagdan, tapos umikot po kayo sa kanan. Tapos may makikita po kayong spiral stairs paakyat ng third floor. Dun po kayo dumaan." to which I replied "SAAN BA TALAGA?! OK KA LANG? MANGANGANAK NA KO!!!". I guess there's a big difference if you add -ITY to the word HOSPITAL. Anyway, to the other wing we went, where the nurse on duty told us, "Ma'am punta po muna kayo sa accomodation para sa room. Sa ground floor po." P*tanginangshet. Sigh, so at the ground floor we went, where after half an hour of completing the form and mosquito bites I was given the room I asked for. Private suite. Finally!
As we were just getting settled in the room, a nurse with a wheelchair came to *gulp* take me away. She took me to the temporary operating room (the area connecting the two wings earlier was actually the delivery room, which will then probably be completed after two days pa. What a great time.) where the intern made some examinations, asked questions and more questions, and called my personal doctor. A nurse stuck a suppository in my ass to clear my bowels. To my dismay, the intern was inserting her fingers on me as if I'd already dilated 10cm, when *surprise surprise* it was only open 1cm! Ouch x 100.
Due to placenta rupture, they had to induce the birth of the baby or else it can eat poop or even die. Two IV infusions were stuck on my right hand to induce labor, which took only about an hour to take effect. And when it did, that's only when they realized there's no anethesiologist on duty to relieve me of labor pains. Brilliant. Just brilliant. It was 1:30 am, July 8.
At 7:30 am, after 6 gruelling hours of labor pains, the anethesiologist came. And in a minute the stage was set for me (or so I thought). Word for the day: Epidural. They stick an IV conductor in your spine where they'll inject the anesthesia so they wouldn't have to prick my spine everytime I need a shot. They made me curl up as small as I can like a fetus to make my spine protude, and then the anesthesiologist said, "Mommy, lalagyan lang kita ng epidural for your anethesia ha. Tapos mamaya pag nag-dilate na kay tsaka kayo mag-push. Pag lalabas na yung baby ibang anesthesia na po. Wala kayong mararamdaman. Ok?". Yokai! *stick needle to spine* Ouch x 1,000.
My OB was in constant contact with the interns regarding my progress. Now I've mentioned earlier that the delivery room was under construction, and thus so is the lounge for those assigned in the maternity ward. So all interns and nurses were at the delivery room with me, each of them taking turns to IE me (IE = internal exam). I was lying there twitching in pain and all they could talk about was what to have for lunch and their asshole doctor bosses while all my glory was there for all to see. I felt defiled. Really.
At 10 am I asked for another dose of anethesia because the first one has worn off. Finally at 11:30 am my OB came, and she also stuck her fingers on me. 6cm after 10 hours. Let's wait. It's still possible that she has a regular birth. So I waited. Since my progress was quite slow, my OB made her rounds as they waited for me to dilate. Throughout this time they would "shock" my tummy with a vibrator to stimulate the baby whenever her heartbeat slows down. Apparently she also takes in the anesthesia given to me, thus making her groggy and numb, and "lazy" to get out. Too bad for me, the pain escalates tremendously when the baby's heartbeat goes fast. Ouch x 1,000,000.
Time moves quite slow when your in pain. There were episodes that I passed out on the operating table due to unbearable pain. It's true. Pain can make you faint. At 3pm I asked for my third dose of anesthesia. I wanted my OB, ask her if there's anything we can do to induce the birth fast. I'm worn out because of the pain. My last meal was my dinner the night before, and I'm extremely thirsty. During labor, you can't have anything, not even water. I'm tired.
At 6:30 pm my OB came back. Everybody suddenly became busy and were moving things here and there. I gave my OB a questioning look. She said, "CS na kita. Namamaga na yung ulo ng baby e. Ayaw lumabas." Then suddenly, the operating table transformed into a crucifix! No shit! They tied both of my arms on the side posts, lifted my gown *gasp! There are male nurses* which served as a cover for me so I wouldn't see what they were doing. The anesthesia dose now is far more potent, as proven by my intense shaking as a side effect. Everything happened so fast, that at 6:53 pm, after 17 hours of labor, they were clapping and I finally heard Solenne's first cry.
Labels: bubu