On Marriage
So this is what it's like to be married, huh? I guess I was a big fool to rush in like that. I never imagined it would be so god-damned difficult. But I'm strong. I won't fall. I have to be strong.
Ellen, be strong.
As each day passes I'm beginning to marvel at how we as a couple were able to patch things up and keep on moving. It's a wonder how, at the end of the day, we still remain the husband and wife that we are now. I'd hate to think that we're staying together for the sake of the kid. Heck, God knows how I love him so, but sometimes our own selves make things so difficult to work out. He's so assuming of what I think, and I on the other hand am too passive to think of anything. This is where the fight usually stems from. And then it leads to another thing, and another...until I for myself become too tired to talk. I'd just close my eyes, turn my back, and let things cool down. Sort of like sweeping dirt under the rug instead of out the door, you might say. But I don't know. I'm just not the type who would want to quarrel about something so...senseless. If these same things happen to another person, I'd probably advise to brush it off and talk. Talk. Now that's something we rarely do. Somehow I feel that we're not on the same plane, and no matter how hard each tries to reach out to the other somehow things get really shaky. Simply put, he won't talk to me.
Don't get me wrong, though. We have a lot of good times. However, the intensity of happiness from lighter days is far less than the damage brought upon by the senseless quarrels that seem to occur day after day that it wears you out faster than the laughter regenerates you. I'm a strong woman; heck, I've been through worse emotional turmoil, but by God this is just too much.
Believe that these are all tests. If we pass them, we will see brighter days altogether.
************************
Of course we had a fight again last night. He was bitching about all night long it made my head ache. I think I remember him saying something like I'd get what I've always wanted for (or what I deserve) soon. And I swear to God as soon as I fell asleep I had a dream of him endorsing annulment papers to me the next day. Jeezus, this is really stressful. I hope it won't happen though. I'm willing to try and try until things get running smoothly. As I've said I'm a strong woman. I'm a big girl, I can take it. I'm just not so sure about him.
************************
I know you're reading this. You're probably looking for proof that I'm unfaithful. Believe what you will. I'm too tired of convincing you otherwise. F*ck it.
Ellen, be strong.
As each day passes I'm beginning to marvel at how we as a couple were able to patch things up and keep on moving. It's a wonder how, at the end of the day, we still remain the husband and wife that we are now. I'd hate to think that we're staying together for the sake of the kid. Heck, God knows how I love him so, but sometimes our own selves make things so difficult to work out. He's so assuming of what I think, and I on the other hand am too passive to think of anything. This is where the fight usually stems from. And then it leads to another thing, and another...until I for myself become too tired to talk. I'd just close my eyes, turn my back, and let things cool down. Sort of like sweeping dirt under the rug instead of out the door, you might say. But I don't know. I'm just not the type who would want to quarrel about something so...senseless. If these same things happen to another person, I'd probably advise to brush it off and talk. Talk. Now that's something we rarely do. Somehow I feel that we're not on the same plane, and no matter how hard each tries to reach out to the other somehow things get really shaky. Simply put, he won't talk to me.
Don't get me wrong, though. We have a lot of good times. However, the intensity of happiness from lighter days is far less than the damage brought upon by the senseless quarrels that seem to occur day after day that it wears you out faster than the laughter regenerates you. I'm a strong woman; heck, I've been through worse emotional turmoil, but by God this is just too much.
Believe that these are all tests. If we pass them, we will see brighter days altogether.
************************
Of course we had a fight again last night. He was bitching about all night long it made my head ache. I think I remember him saying something like I'd get what I've always wanted for (or what I deserve) soon. And I swear to God as soon as I fell asleep I had a dream of him endorsing annulment papers to me the next day. Jeezus, this is really stressful. I hope it won't happen though. I'm willing to try and try until things get running smoothly. As I've said I'm a strong woman. I'm a big girl, I can take it. I'm just not so sure about him.
************************
I know you're reading this. You're probably looking for proof that I'm unfaithful. Believe what you will. I'm too tired of convincing you otherwise. F*ck it.
Labels: mush
posted by Aquabitch | | Permalink 
*hugs*
Posted by
ayesa mikaela |
8/24/2007 7:55 AM
"believe these are all tests..."
you said it yourself, big girl. =) just bend, not break.
Posted by
lei |
8/24/2007 9:37 AM
"Believe that these are all tests. If we pass them, we will see brighter days altogether."
- somewhat so and years from now you'll both be looking at the same days and laughing at both yourselves at the situation then. you'll still be quarelling 'bout some other stuff but it'll be just another learning experience for both of you.
Posted by
Anonymous |
9/05/2007 1:07 PM