Vaginal Realm

Penha gave me an uber-cool totoro stuff toy last Sunday. He says it will serve as my guardian when I sleep in lieu of him. I say, this toy has been keeping me awake since I got it. And also, I have been staring at it every friggin' morning when I wake up and as I dress up. Like I'm waiting for it to move and start talking to me. Its eyes are so addressing that I can't help not to be drawn to him and wait for any activity. Anything. Great, now Totoro is my imaginary friend too.


On another note, I haven't updated this blog for the past few days since I am once again swamped with work (what else is new. Heh.) and been going home at wee hours of the morning doing overtime. But most of the time, it's because I've been spending a lot of time with my beloved, meeting up with him daily since Sunday, even on a working day. Damn, that man really drives me crazy. What was it with him that made me fall this hard this fast? This is not me! I'm logical! I'm rigid and frigid! I am hollow. Was.

Attended the novena mass last Wednesday as I always do, but he tagged along and it was fine. It was my first time EVER to attend the novena mass with an S.O., and I can't exactly remember the last time I entered the church with a boyfriend. Wow. Boyfriend. Egh *vomit*.

He's the one. I'll make sure of it. I hold my own destiny, and I believe that everything is a by-product of an earlier being and that all things in this world are inter-connected. Uh-huh, he's the one I tell ya. Yep yep.

Labels: mush

Pride
I have finally finally delivered that December SAP BCS requirement. After an almost 3-month long procrastination, I was finally able to muster enough willpower to sit down on it for almost 5 hours and upload the data once and for all. That should keep them from pestering me every hour to make me do-this-and-that-and-if-you-don't-we'll-tell-George. Haha, I'm so proud of myself. Finally! *bounce*


Bitterness
Wag kang bitter, you only seem more pathetic than you already are. Everbody knows it and you need not fan the fire and deal more damage to your oh-so-cool ego. You take pride in your maturity, NOW PROVE YOU INDEED HAVE IT. Sheesh, what a lowly asshole you are.

Jealousy
I told you before and I'm telling you again, you are nothing to me and you never were. In the future I might be running to my friends for whatever reason, but nonetheless I will never come running to you. Wala kang kwenta. At wag kang magfeeling dyan. Kahit anong lait pa gawin mo kay lover boy, you will never be half the man as he is. Now go back to your room and suck your dick, mofo.

Labels: daily mishaps, gripe, random ramblings

Here we are
Finally together
Holding close
Never release this feeling
This moment
My dream is now
That I'm with you

Because your beautiful
Something in your eyes tells me I have found
Love that never dies
I don't have to dream
Reality is beautiful in you

I've never felt more true
There you are
Finally the answer
Take my hand
Never release
The sweetness
The magic
The happinessI found in you

Labels: nonsense

Penha - 'pë-n&, n., of Swahili origin, meaning beloved


My prowess to do an overtime marathon astounds even the most workaholics of the force. And contrary to popular belief, yes I do go home to sleep and bathe and change and eat and I don't live in the office. But last tuesday's work routine is the best overtime session I will ever have.

Penha promised to drop by the office that day after his class to bring me some yumyums for my work marathons (that caring prick). He got me some spicy beef cup noodles, seaweed sticks, and pears, which he bought from Shopwise the day before. Imagine, he went to the grocery to buy my rations! +1,000 pogi points.

Of course, being the hungry hippo that he is, and knowing his knack for thai food, I ran to Oody's to buy us dinner. He ate hefty, which I'm glad about since I'm really trying to pack him with more weight. Ate dinner at the pantry while watching his regular koreanovela dose. Yeah, I did watch them. For the sake of watching them with him. Eew mush.

After that we went back to my station to do my stuff. We would just talk about anything while I work, from upcoming movies with hideous plots to economics to music to "us", and every now and then I would stop working so I could lean to him and make out *teehee*. Those kisses, from the very start, are so empassioned that it sucks me in and I just lose myself. Our smooching sessions keep on rewinding in my head, and the scent of his skin lingers in my memory. I could smell him in anything and everywhere. Oh my, I am fallen.

I worked til 4 in the morning. And he hugged me from the back until 4 in the morning. We loved each other until 4 in the morning. Last Tuesday ended at 4am on Wednesday.

If people do fall in love, then I am in a bottomless pit.

Labels: mush

Your presence intoxicates me
A drunken stupor that is so exhilarating
My senses wish to breathe
The smell of your skin
The melody of your voice
And the warmth of your body
And for every sensation you give me
More and more I am drawn
Into this blackhole of bliss
I wish to wallow in forever


Potah, this is bad.

Labels: mush

It can't be. No fucking way.


Blame it on the drunkard threatening to whoop his ass just because he has a bald head. If I see that fucktard again he's gonna be sorry. Or maybe, he's gonna be thankful.

Spring has come and yet it feels like drought is approaching. We've only just begun but somehow I feel that I'm already cheating. Cheating on myself.

He loves me. I don't love him. Yet. It's a freaky coincidence that we absofuckinglutely agree on everything, even on disagreeing. We have similar weird habits, and have similar weird desires. And as our lips locked, even the way we maneuver ourselves towards the other is eerily the same. The way he holds me in his arms and whispers to my ear that contentment is now here, and even the way he looks at me and draws a deep sigh...'tis all too good to be true.

I implore the heavens to send me an omen. I cannot possibly survive another heartache.

Labels: mush

This is supposed to be my thoughts about this post. Obviously (but not at all surprisingly) I'm still depressed about this topic. So I'd like to borrow a few lines from Chester's farewell letter to our barkada given the day before he left for New York. Chuva, I miss you...

(Certain portions of this letter were omitted for relevance)

This is it, our parting of ways. Sabi ko na dati pa, it was just a matter of time, and a matter of who would be doing it first. Of course, marami nang nauna, and I thought it shouldn’t be too hard to follow their lead pag turn ko nang umalis. So imagine my surprise upon realizing finally how difficult it was saying goodbye. Iba pala pag andun ka na sa sitwasyon na wala nang atrasan. Slowly but surely, dreadful anticipation seeps in, at bigla ka na lang magugulat na napapadalas ang pag reminisce mo ng mga bagay na ilang beses mo nang nabalikan. Wala ka nang magawang trabaho kasi alam mong in a matter of days, work will never be the same again. Of course we say that the friendship will never be lost, that we’ll always be here no matter what, and that everyone will just be an e-mail away…etc, etc. I’m not too worried sa ganyan kasi I’m sure most of them will be true. But I guess iba pa rin kung andiyan kayo, if everyone’s just on the floor above me, doing their own stuff, naglalandian, nagmamaganda, nagkukunwaring magtrabaho. Kasi naman, pano at kanino ko ikukwento ang araw ko, pag nang aaway na ko ng cliente, pag napagalitan ako ng manager ko, at kung pano ko siya sinagot, pag meron na kong bagong “breakfast”, at may nadagdag na ring “lunch” at “dinner”, sino kasama ko kumain…?! Grabe, so many things going on in my mind right now. But before I allow them to wash over me, I just wanted to give everyone one final shout-out before I finally say goodbye to the best group of people this firm has ever seen…

I guess that’s it. Not much to scroll down to. The end of this e-mail message…and I guess, in so many ways, the end of this chapter in my life. A new one is about to start. Where it’ll take me…I have no idea. But honestly, nothing gives me more courage than the thought that I will always have those memories, our memories, to keep me going. Hindi niyo alam kung gaano kayo naging kalaking bahagi ng buhay ko.

Labels: hearstrings

View of Manila from Manila Bay. March 5, 2006 7:36 PM

Though highly unlikely that I will forget about this particular date, here's something to read through in case my Alzheimer's develops really fast:

• Met @ Starbucks Gateway at 12:30. Again I was late. We were supposed to meet before 12nn for lunch. So what's new? *toinks* My second time at Gateway. The first being last Friday when I met him there to have dinner at Cafe Bola and played House of the Dead so I missed my shuttle to Bulacan (ooops). My left arm hurt stiff the next day. Yep, kinarir ang House of the Dead 3. Ganda e. =)
• Bought food to go from Burger King. Stayed in the food court (holy crap! I ate at the food court! *faints*) to kill time. Movie won't be showing til 1:10, about 20 minutes from then.
• Watched Memoirs of a Geisha. Had an annoying couple sitting behind us. You know, those people that can't keep their thoughts on the movie to themselves and their companions. They go something like "Aaaah, kaya naman pala ginawa yun kasi galit sya. Gagu talaga yung si pumpkin*. Bwiset. Btw it was my first time to watch a movie at Gateway.
• The fun part: Went to this unknown spot in Araneta Center inside the Marikina Shoe Expo. Now I've frequented Cubao but only and I mean ONLY the area of Rustan's and Ali Mall nearby. These, aside from the Big Dome, are the only familiar places to me; drop me somewhere else and by a few weeks time I'd be on TV pleading for someone from my family to come and find me. There are 2 verrrry interesting vintage stores there, plus 1 kick-ass bookstore. I swear, I could live in that small square of a complex. Found the vintage colossal pulse telephone sets, old cameras, bulky transistor radios, LPs, and other hard-to-find stuffs that I so longed to fill my house with. Christ, the store even had a Viewmaster on sale! When I start re-decorating the house (again), I'm going there to buy. Buy a lot.
• Nearby is this hole-in-the-wall Italian resto named Bellini's that by God serves the most delicious pesto pasta on the planet. Very hidden and quaint, with mint green curtains shielding the inside from the harsh afternoon sun. Had it and a salami pizza (the resto makes their pizza the old school way: thin and crispy crust with wheat powder on the outer sides. Made one of my brackets pop out but to hell with it), and a glass of the resto's house blend of sweet red wine. Up to now I could still savor that pesto in my mouth. The ambiance is a cozy homey feel that is perfect for conversations. Think A Venetto or Napoli can do it? Think again! Ha!
• Hailed a cab and from Cubao we went to Baywalk to catch the setting sun. Very weird that he shares the same veneration for nature's melancholic dramatic things such as the sunset. Yes, baduy as it may sound, we were at Baywalk. Boarded the sunset cruise (the first time for me) and thus the picture above. Walked end to end the Baywalk strip, then gobbled on late night delights from Ice Monster (yay!) then headed home. 'Twas already 11:20 PM.
• Invited him to come in if he wanted to, which of course he did. The last time we spent 2 hours sitting on the curb outside the gate, just talking and looking up at the stars. Watched a bit of TV and more talk. Sheesh, it's like we can talk forever and never run out of things to say. I returned some of the DVDs he lent me, and he replenished them with two more. He's more of a movie junkie than I ever will be, with great interest in indie films that I only dreamed of getting my filthy hands on. I'll write about one of those movies here later. We were just talking about nothing really, and before we knew it it was already two in the morning. Now I wonder how we do that, let time pass by like a breeze?

Thanks for giving me chance to prove my worth or lack of it. It has been a blissful day. Nanyt, Len. I'll dream of you.


Yeah it was.

Labels: daily mishaps, mush

“Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you." -Charlie Brown to Snoopy

When I get emotionally stable about this, I'll write about it. Fuck, again I'm feeling like my heart is being towed away. How come I never got used to this feeling? Almost all of them had gone.


*sob*

Labels: hearstrings

I would like more of this:

Undisturbed Nature + My Zen = Happy Me. =)

Spent a few hours alone along the beach of Luna, La Union. And I thought, "obviously, this is what I want. I want more of this, and I want them longer."

A paradox of sorts, I was in awe at the dusk of day that has been whilst celebrating the dawn of friendships that will be. What I thought would not spill out of an automated box is now overflowing with...with...something more. We have bonded. Or at least, I have bonded to/with them. Waiting for the sun to turn from yellow to orange to purple hazes and dark nights, ever serene and calming. Better, looking at it with a person who sees it in the same color. What seemed to be an endless palaver suddenly halted and the exquisite sight of the way nature heals itself as it slumbers into darkness. And then there were sighs.

Labels: random ramblings, wanderlust