Vaginal Realm

*sigh* I'm back to this god-forsaken cubicle again. I can't believe I actually got the umph to dress up and get here this morning. How did that ever happen? Just last night I was teary-eyed because work is going to take me away from my precious Solenne in a few hours. I can't wait to get home. *sigh sigh*

The first thing I did upon my return was to clean up my mailbox. JESUS. It's unfathomable how an inbox can contain almost a thousand messages if not checked for almost 3 months (no spam included). Thank the heavens for the delete command. Whew! (If you happen to have sent me a message in my office email, sorry. I didn't get to read that.)

Next, talk to my boss. What transpired with their miserable office lives here at work. What transpired at my home with the new baby. And of course, what I'm expected to do now that I'm back. I thought I actually saw a hint of grin on her face, probably due to relief that I've come back to save the day and their asses, too. First day on the job after 3 months of slacking off is really dragging. Ho-hum.

I went to the HR Department to provide my documents for reimbursements and profile updates: SSS, TIN, Philhealth, Pag-ibig, Insurance. I felt like a blue-collar applicant in a long queu because of the forms I had to fill up in multiples. Why can't these people make the process easier in exchange for taxpayers' money they maliciously malverse? That's why we pay taxes, and that's what they're there for. I won't mind you taking home my money for personal use but please please at least appease me by defraudulently making me feel that my taxes do some good for this nation's improvement.

Gripe gripe gripe. I hate this. I hate this chair. Thank God for the free internet.

Labels: daily mishaps, gripe

I barely have spare time in my hands during (or even after) office hours. On the rare occassions that I do, blog-hopping is one of the few things I could do with my computer to slack off without seeming too obvious. I actually find it more worthwhile than using google to search on some insignificant item or trivia.

Mostly I read the blog of people who doesn't mean that much to me (probably because most of the people that do do not own blogs :D). Every now and then I'd go to some that are worth while reading, like Francis' or Luis'. That though their little corner of the internet is a hodgepodge of random thoughts, I could still pick a bit or two of ideas that my mind was too busy to notice. I read some other blogs just to keep myself updated on their lives. After all, they're friends, and in this fast-paced world we may seldom forget to keep in touch personally.

And then...there are those blogs that I read for amusement purposes. I'm bemused how some people can actually be obnoxious, pretentious, and downright annoying even in cyberspace. I mean, come on, it IS the internet, and nobody gives a rat's ass if you're this or that if they don't know you personally. Funny how some are disillusioned over facts that will never EVER come true, like...

• they are good-looking - I know some that actually THINK and FEEL they are. I pity these people. Oh what the heck, the internet is the only place they can create a world of their own, so perhaps I should let them be. >:)
• they are sexy - some even had the guts to post their body pictures implying that they are. Hey, it's one thing to post a personal picture on your website, but to add a caption that yours is the body to die for, wake up! If it's that good, you wouldn't be wasting your time posting it on the internet for free. Right? Right? Right!
• they are intelligent - Microsoft Word with spelling and grammar checking can be used in editing posts, you know. Putting -ed where you shouldn't...I'm surprised you even know how to use a computer and not being sued by Miriam Webster for slander of the english language.
• they are all that - come on. Your SO is in love with someone else. If you're boyfriend overlooks you for someone they know less about, then you probably are not all that. You're probably nothing at all.
• they are COOL - oh God, how many people are guilty of this sin? You know, come in to my circle and see how jologs you actually look like. The first time I visited this one blog, I was laughing my ass off because this person thinks every girl wants to be her, every guy wants to be with her, and she's got the best of everything. The funny thing? SHE IS NOT IT. Hahaha! Poor girl. Good thing she's not my friend. Heehee.

Cyberspace is indeed an online circus for freaks. And you know what? I'm on it. Hahaha!

Labels: gripe

PLDT was awarded as Best Managed Company for, I dunno, two or three years in a row. Some people may agree, especially those who enjoy up to 20 months bonus. But you know, life is not all daisies here, in fact I found a rather odd exception in PLDT's health benefits for its regular employees.

Health benefits extends limitedly to immediate members of the employee's family. For the employee himself/herself, all hospitalization and other medical-related expenses are shouldered 100% by the company. Go to Makati Med or Asian Hospital or Medical City for a sprained ankle, without a single penny in your pocket, and the hospital staff will even thank you for availing of their service as long as you bring your company ID with you. No hassles, just fill up this form, sign here, and you can go! They'd even give you a free lollipop after every visit.

Yep, they got you covered inch by inch up to the last tooth and hair. Except your uterus.

You pay for each cent you pay the hospital, doctor's professional fees, pre- and post-natal care, everything, as long as its related to childbearing, miscarriage or abortion. You'll just get your usual maternity-leave-with-pay for 60 days. It's like they are discouraging their female employees from bearing a child, and having a baby doesn't really need benefit.

"Hi. I need to see a doctor. And I may need a room. Here's my PLDT ID."

"Surely, madam. May I ask what kind of doctor and/or service you need?"

"I'm about to give birth any minute now."

"Oh sorry, we don't honor PLDT IDs for deliveries. You'll have to pay us for everything."

"But...but I thought..."

"Orthopedic services are free, though. We have a physical therapist coming in in 5 minutes. You have got to see him, he's the best doctor in town."

Labels: gripe

No, I haven't tried coke, never tried to, but I think I know how being high on it feels. Shapeless phantoms haunt my unconciousness and brings terror. Why oh why do I feel this way?

*******************

You've been in my dreams for quite some time now. I don't want you here. Strange that you should walk amidst the confusing map of my realm despite the idiocy that is you. And honestly, I'm even surprised that you made it. Some of the nightmares delight me the morning after as I saw you crushed, humiliated, murdered. On some that I see you as something else, it brings me a troubled mind that you were even there in the first place. Go away, phantom. Leave me alone. Let me be. I won't have you tormenting my naked soul through your rot.

*******************

Human transmutation, as explained in Full Metal Alchemist, has its cost on the alchemist over time. One may be able to attach his soul from one body to another, thus living eternal life, but his power diminishes a little each time he does so. Over time his present physical body will rot, even faster if he uses alchemy frequently. The more times one attaches his soul from one body to another, the weaker he gets. Pondering on this, it could be concluded that time does not make a person stronger, but the complete opposite. Yes people learn from their experiences, but do they learn the right thing? We don't get wiser, we get more stubborn clinging on the belief that we think is right. We die a little each time we scathe our knees, but we emerge (supposedly) to become stronger persons thereafter. I have rotted a million times over, and believed that I have transformed into someone stronger a million times more. But a voice keeps telling me, "No you're not, you cocky bitch. You're still the same cunt as you were. Believe it."

Labels: gripe, random ramblings

What the fuck?! I received an MMS message below from SMART today. It says:


"Maraming salamat sa tiwala nyo sa akin sa nakaraan kong laban. Ang aking pagkapanalo ay iniaalay ko sa inyong lahat, aking mga kababayan. Ang mga dasal nyo, sigaw ng aking pangalan at ang walang sawang suporta ang nagdala sa akin sa pagkapanalo."





Okay na sana e. Kaya lang may kasunod pa.


"Makisaya kayo sa aking tagumpay. Maaari nyo nang idownload ang latest song na kinanta ko. Kung gusto po nyo makuha ang "Laban Natin Ito" na theme song ng laban ko nung linggo, itext mo lang ito sa 288: LABAN (for monotone), LABANP (for polytone).

Ipadala mo sa mga kaibigan mo. PISO na lang kasi magpadala ng MMS sa Smart ngayon. Ayos!

Libre po ang text na ito." - Manny Pacquiao


The Money Pakyaw phenomenon is still sweeping the nation like a raging storm, folks. Smart guy, encashing on his 5 minutes of fame. No wonder he can afford to lose Php30 million in the casino. Tsk tsk.

Labels: gripe, nonsense, random ramblings

mahirap lang naman sa atin..
pag di ko na alam ang iisipin
sa kakaselos mo na mababaw naman ang dahilan
wala naman ibang lalaki
bakit ang dami mong sinasabi
hindi mo ba alam na ikaw lang
ang nasa puso ko
o bakit ka ganyan.....
malunod man ang mundo
magkagulo-gulo
pati sa isip mo
meron pa din tayo
matunaw man ang bituin
mapagod man ang ihip ng hangin
iyong alalahanin
ika'y minamahal pa din

Kung nababasa mo 'to, wag mong sabihin sa akin na huwag akong magsulat ng ganito dito. Dahil ito ay parte na ng buhay ko bago pa maging tayo. Tinuturing kong salamin ng pagkatao ko, at saksi sa takbo ng buhay ko.

****************************

"Bakit ganon? Ang hirap hirap maging masaya." -- sabi nga ni Claudine Barretto bilang Mela Ocampo sa pelikulang "Dahil Mahal na Mahal Kita". Kung tutuusin, tama sya. Lalo na pagdating sa larangan ng pag-ibig, wala nang mas sasakto pa sa karanasan na pinagdadaanan ng isang tao na walang ibang hangad kundi maranasan ang ligaya ng minamahal at may minamahal. Lahat ng hirap at sakit titiisin para lang masabi na "sila" pa rin ng taong mahal nya. Kadalasan tuloy, nabubulagan sila sa tunay na pagkatao ng kanilang iniirog o kaya sa totoong lagay ng mga bagay-bagay. Kung baga, kahit hindi na maganda ang pinagbago nung tao o ng sitwasyon, sige pa rin. Ika nga ni Francisco Balagtas aka Baltazar, "O pag-ibig na makapangyarihan, pag ikaw ang nasok sa puso ninuman, hahamakin ang lahat masunod ka lamang".

Dito nagsisimula ang kalbaryo ng pagmamahal. Para bang lagay ka ng lagay ng tubig sa tapayan sa pag-asang lulunukin nito lahat ng binubuhos mo, at pag umapaw dahil lumagpas na sa kakayahan nyang magkipkip, di na mawari kung pano lilinisin ang mga tapon. Ewan ko ba. Sa totoo lang, hangga't maaari wala akong hinihinging kapalit sa bawat butil ng pagmamahal na inuukol ko sa isang tao. Madalas ako ang sinasamantala, kaya pag nasabihan ako ng "binabalewala mo ako" o kaya sa ingles ay "you're taking me for granted", ibang sakit ang nararamdaman ko. Nang dahil sa dami ng trabaho ko maging sa opisina o sa bahay kaya di ako nakapagparamdam ng ilang oras, masabihan ako na hindi sensitibo sa pangangailangan ng minamahal ko, parang hindi yata patas ang laban. Naubos na ang mga bala at lakas ko pero sa huli ako pa rin ang talo. Hindi ko kasalanan kung meron lang akong 24 oras sa isang araw at isang katawan na napapagalaw. Eto lang ang bigay sa akin ng Diyos, kahinaan ba yun?

Isa pa, minsan ang pinagmumulan ng alitan ay ang kawalan ng respeto. Hindi mo pwedeng sabihin na mahal mo ang isang tao kung sa tingin mo siya ay walang kwenta, walang pakinabang, di maipagmamalaki, o kahiya-hiya ang pagkatao. Halimbawa, naiisip mo ba kung pano mamahalin ng taong relihiyoso ang babaeng haliparot? Ang kapita-pitagan sa salot ng lipunan? Ang matalino sa tanga? Imposible di ba? Sa pelikula lang ata nangyayari 'to. Pero pano kung maayos naman talaga ang pagkatao ng isang nagmamahal, pero pilit dinudungisan ng kanyang mahal ang kanyang pangalan? Kung kahit minsan ay hindi na tumaas ang pagtingin nya sa yo kaysa sa isang ibon na nabalian ng pakpak? Kung ikaw ito, di ba madudurog din ang pagkatao mo? Sa mahigit na anim na bilyong tao sa mundo, may nag-iisang tao na inaasahan mong mamahalin ka ng walang alinlangan at kaba. Ito yung taong inaasahan mo na ipagtatanggol ang dangal mo kapag may lumapastangan sa yo. E papaano kung ang taong ito ang mismong tumitingin ng mababa sa 'yo? Turo ng Panginoon, bawal ang maghusga. Ipagpaubaya na natin sa Diyos Ama ang paghuhusga sa bawat tao, dahil tayo'y walang sapat na kaalaman upang magpukol ng kapintasan kaninuman. Lalo na't pinangangalandakan mo na mahal mo sya, huwag mong hiyain ang dangal nya. At higit sa lahat, magtiwala ka na mahal ka rin nya at di dudungisan ang pangalan mo. Hindi tama na maghinala ka na tuwing nakatalikod o nakapikit ka ay may kalaguyo siyang kinakalantari. Ika nga ng isang kaibigan, kung gusto mong mapatunayan kung gaano katapat sa iyo ang mahal mo, itapon mo sya sa bangin puno ng Adonis na may pagnanasa sa kanya. Kung tapat sya sa yo, lalabas syang malinis at may katibayan na ikaw lamang ang naghahari sa puso nya. Ang katibayang ito ang siyang dahilan upang mapanatag ang loob mo na di sya mawawala sa piling mo sa pagiging talipandas. Huwag magbintang! Kung sa kabuuan ng pagsasama nyo ay naging matapat sya sa iyo, mahalin mo sya ng tunay. Bihira na ang faithful ngayon.

Sa totoo lang, mahirap magmahal. At mas mahirap abutin ang pamantayan na ipinukol sa 'yo ng taong mahal mo. Pero eto ko, nagmamahal. Kaya kahit gano pa kahirap, okey lang. Mahal ko e, pakialam mo ba?

Labels: gripe, mush

This is not me. But this is mine.


It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. - Mark Twain


This is candy. Donut. Paper roses on a silver tray. And I am now robed in another's clothes.

Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore, I am perfect.

Labels: gripe, nonsense

Dang, 6:30am and still in the office?! What kind of a worker am I? Do I really breathe work, that if I don't do it rigorously, I'll die? I gotta GOTTA get a life.

On the lighter side of life, I'm going to Baguio with Penha later. After this trip, I'm definitely serious about that job hunting. Yeah, my fingers are crossed.

But...first things first. I gotta go to the dentist. Now. @_@

Labels: daily mishaps, gripe

OK THAT'S IT. I'M OUTTA THIS HELLHOLE! FUCK Y'ALL.

When I get back from Baguio, you'll get the last of me. Grrrr!!!


*in a very verrrrrrrrrrrry bad mood*

Labels: gripe

Pride
I have finally finally delivered that December SAP BCS requirement. After an almost 3-month long procrastination, I was finally able to muster enough willpower to sit down on it for almost 5 hours and upload the data once and for all. That should keep them from pestering me every hour to make me do-this-and-that-and-if-you-don't-we'll-tell-George. Haha, I'm so proud of myself. Finally! *bounce*


Bitterness
Wag kang bitter, you only seem more pathetic than you already are. Everbody knows it and you need not fan the fire and deal more damage to your oh-so-cool ego. You take pride in your maturity, NOW PROVE YOU INDEED HAVE IT. Sheesh, what a lowly asshole you are.

Jealousy
I told you before and I'm telling you again, you are nothing to me and you never were. In the future I might be running to my friends for whatever reason, but nonetheless I will never come running to you. Wala kang kwenta. At wag kang magfeeling dyan. Kahit anong lait pa gawin mo kay lover boy, you will never be half the man as he is. Now go back to your room and suck your dick, mofo.

Labels: daily mishaps, gripe, random ramblings

I'm in a terribly bad mood today. Earlier I was acting like the resident bitch of ePLDT-dom again when talking to Raul.

"Didn't you know that we have a deadline since Friday? I can't compromise my deadline because of your [company's] inefficiency...di ko na na-meet deadline ko kakahintay sa inyo...you always have excuses. Reprimand that person in charge of PPE and inventories...send me what you have now and just give me a recon of your tentative and your final...I can't accept adjustments more than P1 million."

*click*

*yawn*

Heh. They complain about lack of personnel. Try switching positions with me, and see what it's like to be understaffed. You cannot complain of lags to me due to undermanning. I won't buy it. Fuckity fuck. I'm the epitomy of a "one-man team". You're just being inefficient, and stupid to assume that I'm stupid. Grrr ang tatanga nyo! Thank God I wasn't assigned there, or else I'll fire every one of you.

Bwiset. Aargh!

Labels: daily mishaps, gripe

He hates me.

He loves me.

HA! LIKE I GIVE A FLYING FUCK.

*note to self: i gotta go easy on the cussing.*

If you can almost strangle me, then I can definitely shoot you in the head first. War of the roses? Bring it on you mofo! I've encountered the worst of your kind. You don't scare me shitless.


And as for you...

My, my...melting aren't we? Oh no you gotta stop...words like "ikaw lang ang pwedeng kong pagbuhusan ng sama ng loob" or even using the word "tayo" and "natin" have psychological effects on me. Don't evolve your world around me just yet; or else the heart of one of us will be sent west.

I AM THE QUEEN OF MY DOMAIN. I AM NOBODY'S MISTRESS.

Labels: gripe

1: Napapansin ko lang...sinadya mo kong hindi ibili, binabawi mo na yung laptop, ang sama mo. ang sama sama mo.

Me: Masama? Ipit ako sa meeting the whole morning til 1pm. gusto mo ba 15 minutes lang ako mag-lunch para ikuha ka ng form?

1: Hindi. Sinasadya mo e. Sabihin mo na. Nakakahalata na ko.

***************************************

Me: Seriously, meet tayo tomorrow. I really need my laptop.

1: Tsaka na.

Me: Hindi ko sya kukunin kung hindi ko kailangan. Maawa ka sa ken, instead of sa bahay ako nagwowork, nag-oOT pa ko dito sa office.

1: E sanay ka na naman di ba? Hu, pag nasa bahay ka matutulog ka lang dun.

Me: Hindi nga. Tambak ako ng trabaho. hindi ko sya kukunin kung di ko kailangan.

1: Kelan mo babalik?

Me: bahala na. pag natapos ko work ko.

1: Pambihira naman! hanggang Sunday lang!

Me: ?!



Fyi, I passed by the bank to get him a form during my lunch break but as expected, the line in BPI is so friggin' long so I put it off. That was yesterday. The form costs 5k. He won't pay for it, tsaka na lang daw kasi ayaw pa nya maglabas ng pera. Heh. Ano ko gf mo para paluwalan lahat ng gastos mo at utus-utusan mo? Di na ko papauto sa yo. I've had E-N-O-U-G-H. Ugh.

At yang laptop na yan, AKIN yan. Kaya wag mong ipagdamot dahil pinahiram ko lang sa yo yan. Di ko na problem kung pano ka mag-iinternet para magcheck ng friendster at mag-chat at mag-myspace. Pag nga OL ka at nakita mong OL din ako, di mo ko pinapansin e. Tingin mo di ako nakakahalata? Do I really put myself as THAT stupid? Feeling mo mahal kita? Yun ang akala mo. I'm deprived of such emotions far worse than you'll ever comprehend.

I tried so hard to be civil with you for the sake of whatever we shared. Don't take it as signs of affection for a significant other, coz thing is you really are nothing to me. Because YOU ARE NOTHING.

Labels: dialogues, gripe

When you ask someone to do something for you and by your standards the outcome is not what you expected, you just shut the fuck up, take his/her fruit of labor, and walk away. Thanking them for exerting effort is not a must but ideal.

However, some people are too arrogant and conceited to do otherwise.

These type of people are what I call squids. They cling to you with each tentacle they have and suck the living daylight out of you, and when you're bled dry or is not satisfying enough, they just drop you to the ocean floor and squirt black ink at you. These people should be stuck in a barbecue stick from their asses to their heads and placed in burning ember. Add some soy sauce and kalamansi juice and voila! Beer na lang kulang.

My bad that I tolerated such behavior to banter me for more than a month. Looking back, I am bemused by how I was able to withstand a set-up with my ego always ending in the trash bin. Then again, I'm human too.

Gotta dispose that ps2. *hangs self*

Labels: gripe

If they stayed together for the sake of the kids, heck they did a wonderfuckinglutely job.


This was my very first thought in 2006 (excluding whatever nonsensicals I was thinking while waiting for 12mn).


*************************


Looking back at how I spent the holidays, I can only surmise at how pitiful of a family I have. The endless cold war between two persons has finally ended on Christmas Eve after more than 33 years of painstaking effort to live with each other. I spent Christmas and New Year’s Eves with another family who are not even blood relatives, and I guess this is the only consolation for me to actually say that the holidays is the season for love and giving, after all. However, with the risk of sounding like a whining crybaby, it still irks me that the family who has built my final stronghold from the gusts of life is actually starting to formally fall apart, and fate has picked the perfect timing for it.

Being the family-oriented person that my parents raised me to be, I say now with shame and regret that matters seems irreparable by now. Perhaps I need not explain the shame part, but the regret stems out from the fact that it was me, always been me, who’s caught in the middle of all of their clashes. And it was me who knew and tried so hard to understand the side of them both, and judging by the complication of their personalities just decided to cover-up for the shortcomings of the other just so tension would not heighten and spark a nuclear war, and make our home a mine field. Now that they are starting to crumble I can’t help but blame myself. But what was I supposed to do? I may be made from their chromosomes or whatever but conjugal matters should be settled by the conjugal partners. Their issues should be discussed and settled by them and them alone, or perhaps with the assistance of a marriage counselor but that’s about it. The reason why? Because I can humbly admit that I know shit when it comes to intimate relationships, and I really cannot claim that I know more than they do, thus wiping out my stand to try meddling with their matrimonial affairs.

4 offsprings, 4 college diplomas, and 4 contributions to the workforce. When I looked at things from a sociologist’s POV, then they really did not do bad as parents. Heh.

It’s the first day of the year and it’s raining. It’s the year of the dog, my year, and a wounded pup like me can only lick her wounds in a secluded shelter and let life do its wonders of healing.

Count your blessings; you never know until when they will last.

Labels: gripe, random ramblings

"Magkaibigan naman tayo di ba? Tropa naman tayo di ba?"
"Oo naman..."

P*tangina.

So that's just it, huh? At tama bang sa ken pa magpahanap ng date, at among my friends pa namili?


='(

Labels: gripe, mush, nonsense

Fuck you.

I tried to make a point and you started to kiss me right after saying I talk too much. I was just trying to make a point; a point that would save us all this bother later on. And look what happened, I'm irritably attached to you like those campaign posters plaguing the street walls during May of every six years. Worn out and faded, some part of limb dangling to catch the dust of the street, and yet hopelessly plastered to a dirty wall that mayhap endured all that has come to pass including those that should've been avoided.

You will teach me to take drugs. To gamble. To embezzle. And you make it seem fun.

You went out on a date the day after we did, and two days after we got back from that decency-forsaken island. If i remember correctly, your words were "I'm going out with a friend". Bah! And after that date, you dare to call me? And ask me if it's okay that you date? Of course it's okay. It's okay coz either (1) I'm smart enough to know that I shouldn't trouble myself with the likes of you, or (2) I'm too stupid to demand what I deserve and I just let you be for fear that you will go away. You're worse than coke...you make yourself indisposable, addictive, and make me imagine things. You're the worst hallucination I've ever had.

But it was a great shag, wasn't it?

Labels: gripe, mush