Vaginal Realm

I shall never forget that face -- the face of dismay, disappointment, betrayal, and all other negative emotions that nothing but love can bring about to a person. It was the first time I ever saw him like that. Oh yes, I shall never forget that face.

The question came about unexpectedly though ironically it was the one thing I yearned for him to ask for so long. Mayhap it could bring an end to my sleepless nights tossing and turning in bed how and when to confess, thinking that there is even a good time to do so. At times I could not look him in the eye because I know there is a big lie inside of me that no one deserves to know first more than him. I betrayed him, broke his trust. And for that I should be punished, but I was too much of a pussy to face it.

But he understood, and he took it quite better than I hoped he would. Yes, he loves me so. He loves me still. It was the kind of love only a father could give. It was the kind of love my kind of daughter does not deserve.

He didn't say anything. He just gave me that look. Head nodded, he turned his gaze away from me and refused to speak. I think after a while he understood.

Labels: dialogues

I'm wearing a pink shirt. - yeah, pink is good.
I have not a tinge of regret na sumama ako - and I wonder why...
Time? Kung gusto, may paraan. Kung ayaw, maraming dahilan - heyyyy that's my line!
Mahilig ka sa maanghang? Pareho tayo - oh really now.
The ultimate goal is not to be the best but to put a smile on the face, imo - exactly. =)
Pag napangiti kita, ok na ko - wushuuuuu spare me the mush
Ako rin, ang babaw ko sobra - lots of similarities eh?
I kept some sparklers because I felt something good to celebrate is about to come - riiiiiiight.

******************

I have a surprise for you. I'm doing something I haven't done for ages. The sunset with you woke up something dormant in me.

...

...........


Oh dear.

Labels: dialogues, mush

Naks, pa-YM YM na lang tayo ah.
You don't call me anymore e.
Busy ka di ba?
Yeah I was. So kamusta kayo ng mga dine-date mo?
Alin? Marami sila e.
Yabang. Kala ko ba nagtitipid ka?
Joke lang. Wala nga e.

Did I miss you? Felt like I didn't. And I wonder why.

Labels: dialogues

Him: Just came from the cafe, trying to blog about it, but couldn't. Yeah, I'd like to know.
Me: Was waiting for you to ask. Were you expecting ME to open the floor for discussion?
Him: Not at all. But my mind set a while ago was to have fun just talking that it slipped til it was time to go.
Me: Ok. Ask me.
Him: What are your thoughts about 'us'?
Me: It's not 'us'. It's you and me. As it should be. I'm sorry if I cause you any discomfort....
.......there. I finally said it. I thought I already made my point clear through my thread.
Him: Uhm, ok. It is rejection right?
Me: Yes. As much as I hate that word, I guess it is. You can shoot me if you want. I deserve no less than pillage for making you go through this.
Him: Hm, just like to know again why? If it's ok.
Me: Ok. I think I can be more objective between the two of us since I'm not clouded by emotions. I don't think we are pieces of the same puzzle. Yes we could bend to be able to live with each other, but it'll take us too much effor that it'll exhaust us even before we can make it run smooth. Simply put, I don't think we can make each other happy.
Me: I mean, have you already figured out why you fell for me in the first place. You barely know me. And the things that you already know, they are enough to drive you away. I'll always be like this, and you like that.
Him: Er, don't assume I am emotional right now. Remember, I am not simple. What you saw before was just a part of me. Now that I know you a bit better, am I not validating what I feel? What's your proof that it won't work? That is an assumption itself. Heck, all four of your reasons are assumptions.
Me: Assumptions they may be, but really there are no solid facts when it comes to this. 'tis that unexplainable feeling, you know? When you look into someone's eyes. Truth is, I hate myself right now for not being able to reciprocate. And you're one of those that I don't want to tear to pieces. I have crushed men before you came, intentionally. But not you. And that's why I feel so guilty. I'm sorry but I just can't seem to make it work for me. If I push this through, it'll be unfair for you. And for you, I don't think it'll all be worth it.
Him: You can't tear me to pieces Ellen. I am way better than that. At least right now I am. And still believe you're better than all that fear you have.

Labels: dialogues, mush

1: Napapansin ko lang...sinadya mo kong hindi ibili, binabawi mo na yung laptop, ang sama mo. ang sama sama mo.

Me: Masama? Ipit ako sa meeting the whole morning til 1pm. gusto mo ba 15 minutes lang ako mag-lunch para ikuha ka ng form?

1: Hindi. Sinasadya mo e. Sabihin mo na. Nakakahalata na ko.

***************************************

Me: Seriously, meet tayo tomorrow. I really need my laptop.

1: Tsaka na.

Me: Hindi ko sya kukunin kung hindi ko kailangan. Maawa ka sa ken, instead of sa bahay ako nagwowork, nag-oOT pa ko dito sa office.

1: E sanay ka na naman di ba? Hu, pag nasa bahay ka matutulog ka lang dun.

Me: Hindi nga. Tambak ako ng trabaho. hindi ko sya kukunin kung di ko kailangan.

1: Kelan mo babalik?

Me: bahala na. pag natapos ko work ko.

1: Pambihira naman! hanggang Sunday lang!

Me: ?!



Fyi, I passed by the bank to get him a form during my lunch break but as expected, the line in BPI is so friggin' long so I put it off. That was yesterday. The form costs 5k. He won't pay for it, tsaka na lang daw kasi ayaw pa nya maglabas ng pera. Heh. Ano ko gf mo para paluwalan lahat ng gastos mo at utus-utusan mo? Di na ko papauto sa yo. I've had E-N-O-U-G-H. Ugh.

At yang laptop na yan, AKIN yan. Kaya wag mong ipagdamot dahil pinahiram ko lang sa yo yan. Di ko na problem kung pano ka mag-iinternet para magcheck ng friendster at mag-chat at mag-myspace. Pag nga OL ka at nakita mong OL din ako, di mo ko pinapansin e. Tingin mo di ako nakakahalata? Do I really put myself as THAT stupid? Feeling mo mahal kita? Yun ang akala mo. I'm deprived of such emotions far worse than you'll ever comprehend.

I tried so hard to be civil with you for the sake of whatever we shared. Don't take it as signs of affection for a significant other, coz thing is you really are nothing to me. Because YOU ARE NOTHING.

Labels: dialogues, gripe